...what a year...
i wish i could shout out that i'm so ready to get this year over and done with... this year has changed the way i look at so many things... it has changed my entire life...
but this year has also taught me so many things about life and about myself that i never knew or even thought about...
i will always remember that 2012 was the year that my beautiful twin girls were born... and the year they went to heaven... Arianna and Brianna are always a part of our family and a part of our lives... i'm so grateful that we have friends and family who still remember and who still love our girls just as much as we do...
i will never forget how difficult this journey has been... grieving... anger... healing... and it's still not the end...
in a way, i am so ready to be over this year... to be done with any regret and sadness... and yet, i'm a little afraid to say good-bye... good-bye to a year that has carved a scar in my heart so deep that it still bleeds from time to time...
good-bye 2012... i'm ready for all the luck and love that 2013 has to bring..
all the best to everyone in the new year
remember when you were in school, and you had to write those silly papers on "what you want to accomplish by the time you turn __". well, ever since i could remember, i had always imagined that by the time i turned __ (aka 30), i would be married to a rich and handsome guy, live in a big house, drive a really nice car, have 2 children, and a great job where i could dress in office clothes and wear high heels to work...
up until about a year ago, i was on that path to almost achieving it all... and now, the life i had expected to be living at this time in my life is almost that life that i had always dreamed it would be... with just one big thing missing... "happiness..."
as i sit here, with less than 2 hours left until my birthday (or the end of the world as some may say), i feel so sad and lost...
what is my life's purpose... why do i feel so empty and sad? will the new year bring new love, joy, and happiness into my heart?
this past years has definitely been the most difficult year of my entire life... and i feel like i should be looking forward to something... but i don't... i just feel so sad... i miss my babies... i'm sad that it's the holidays and i don't feel like celebrating but i have to put up with it... i want to be bringing my 2 little babies to the christmas gatherings and being able to share their first christmas with them... i want to have my babies be the reason i'm done having kids by the time i turn 30.... i want to have my babies.... end of story...
i guess there's no stopping time... so here's to 12/21/12... my 30.... ready for something to look forward to...
