remember when you were in school, and you had to write those silly papers on "what you want to accomplish by the time you turn __". well, ever since i could remember, i had always imagined that by the time i turned __ (aka 30), i would be married to a rich and handsome guy, live in a big house, drive a really nice car, have 2 children, and a great job where i could dress in office clothes and wear high heels to work...
up until about a year ago, i was on that path to almost achieving it all... and now, the life i had expected to be living at this time in my life is almost that life that i had always dreamed it would be... with just one big thing missing... "happiness..."
as i sit here, with less than 2 hours left until my birthday (or the end of the world as some may say), i feel so sad and lost...
what is my life's purpose... why do i feel so empty and sad? will the new year bring new love, joy, and happiness into my heart?
this past years has definitely been the most difficult year of my entire life... and i feel like i should be looking forward to something... but i don't... i just feel so sad... i miss my babies... i'm sad that it's the holidays and i don't feel like celebrating but i have to put up with it... i want to be bringing my 2 little babies to the christmas gatherings and being able to share their first christmas with them... i want to have my babies be the reason i'm done having kids by the time i turn 30.... i want to have my babies.... end of story...
i guess there's no stopping time... so here's to 12/21/12... my 30.... ready for something to look forward to...
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