when will it happen?
i stood in front of the urns the other day and my arms went up into a motion like craddling a baby... in my mind, i could feel the weight of the babies in my arms... i felt so sad that they weren't physically here... they should be here...
i just need to move on... i can't keep crying anymore... i can't keep feeling sorry for myself or feeling sad that the babies are not here... i've read books... gone to church, prayed... i've blogged, i've googled... stayed home, gone out... WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?!?!
i wonder if my babies ever saw me... did they hear my voice when i spoke to them... did they know it was me that was touching them the night before they both went to heaven?
are they together right now? what do they look like? what color hair do they have?
my heart is so broken and i'm sad... there is such a big part of me that is just holding on... and preventing me from moving on...
it feels almost like moving on, means forgetting... means leaving everything in the past... but i'm not ready to leave it in the past... i still want my babies to be my future...
"Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go"... I need more strength... ♥
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