born alive and lived for 2 days...

There's nothing like receiving hospital bills to remind us of the the birth of our babies, the hospital stay, the NICU, and the passing of our babies... the babies that never made it home with us but yet, still get billed for... billed for an experience that we will never forget and sometimes struggle with the memories of the hospital....

Today we received our first bill and medical insurance statement for "BG1 NTAM" (baby girl 1)... it blew my mind how much it cost to be in the hospital and to have the girls be in the NICU for only 2 days... I had to call the insurance company to resubmit my claim under me instead of creating a dependent since in medical insurance terms, a dependent is someone who lives beyond 4 days.... and since the girls only lived for 2 days, they are to be billed under maternity since the babies had "expired" before reaching dependent status... a maternity bill that came out to $14,400...

It was a difficult discussion to have... it felt like we were talking about merchandise or objects instead of my children...

We have also received the girls birth certificates and social security cards in the mail in the last week... only reminders that a death certificate will soon follow...  So much paper work... so many painful reminders of our stay in the hospital... and the loss of our baby girls...

Sitting here with a desk full of bills and paper work that I'm trying to organize for the girls... I'm reminded that although we loss our girls after 2 days, they were born alive and lived for 2 days... 2 days that were filled with such hope and confidence...

I miss my twin angels so much...  and in their honor, we proudly announced their birth in an announcement that was mailed out to close friends and family... an announcement that while pregnant, I was so looking forward to sending once the girls were born...