As we drove to Nuuanu mortuary, I couldn't help but think about how much I just wished we didn't have to do this... How much I never wanted to have to feel this pain...
Today was our final viewing of the girls... It has been 5 days since they became angels... I wondered how they would look, how I would feel when I saw them, what would I want to say or even do knowing that this was the last time I would see them like this...
We arrived a little before 1:00pm and the funeral director took us into the chapel where I saw a little blue box with 2 tiny tiny little sweet angels... bundled in white linen and a soft light blue blanket... They looked so peaceful...
We each took our time... staring at them for the last time, kissed their tiny heads, and saying our good-byes... And as I took a good look at my little twin girls, I saw their features so clearly... I thought they looked like Shane and Jazlynn... with their well defined eyebrows, face shape and big feet... but they had Jayden and my nose and tiny lips...
We put little cross necklaces on both girls... beautiful necklaces with a tiny diamond in the center... a gift from Momma Terry... And placed a letter that I had written for each of them... a letter from my heart to each of my sweet babies...
Seeing them again made me feel sad, but for some reason, it also made me feel incredibly calm... I saw them sleeping... not in pain... not struggling for life... And although my heart still hurts and I my arms just want to reach out and hold them, I take comfort in knowing that they are now in heaven...
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