We thought we were blessed with a miracle...

I remember 4 months ago... it was the first week of October, I was still on birth control (Mirena IUD) for the last 4 years after giving birth to Jayden... and I started feeling sick, very nauseated at work... I felt tired and very very sick.... During that time, I also started bleeding very heavily. The nurse at the doctors office told me that sometimes bleeding is a side effect of the Mirena IUD... so I thought nothing much, figured the bleeding would stop soon and that this "stomach bug" would go away.

But after a week of the nausea getting worse and the bleeding getting heavier, I though "ok, something is not right..." So when I got home from work on Wednesday, October 5th, I went straight upstairs after picking up the kids from school and took down the box of some old home pregnancy tests that I had and took the test... Almost immediately, I saw the positive ++... In a panic, I opened another pregnancy test and took another one... positive again ++

(both are positive! OMG!)

I heard Shane come home so I yelled for him to come upstairs... when he reached the top step, I held both pregnancy test in front of his face and just started to tear-up... I started asking him what were we going to do... we didn't plan this, I had an IUD in, I just started a new job, we were both about to buy new cars, we were finally in a place in our lives that we were comfortable... it felt like our 'perfect' lives were shattered...

I called my OB doctor and schedule a urgent appointment for Thursday morning (the next morning) ... Dr. Chang removed the IUD and told me that I may suffer a miscarriage because of the removal of the IUD.   As a way to check if the pregnancy is either progressing or I was miscarrying, we took a blood test to measure my hormone levels that day (and I would need to take another test in 2 days for comparison).  We also scheduled a follow-up appointment on Monday for a D&C since we were both pretty sure I would miscarry...

That weekend was very emotional for me... I remember going in to take my blood test on Saturday morning and the lady at the lab asked me if I was pregnant... I told her "I think I am but probably not anymore"... she gave me a funny look and drew my blood... After driving away, I cried (I think my hormones were all crazy)... I continued to bleed heavily all weekend... clots were pouring out and I knew for SURE, I was miscarrying this pregnancy.... I remember calling my sister and crying because I told her "even tho I didn't want to get pregnant, I'm sad thinking that there was a life inside of me that is dying"... we went to church that Sunday and we had one of our Pastors pray over us while I cried...

Monday morning, Shane took off of work to come with me to my OB appointment for the D&C... I gave a urine sample (and was still bleeding), and went in... right away, the nurse told me that the results of my blood work were interesting because my hormones numbers tripled... which indicated that I was in fact still VERY pregnant.... Dr. Chang walked in and we discussed the hormone levels, we were confused about my bleeding, and we questioned if I was pregnant or if I was miscarrying... So we did a trans-vaginal ultrasound and surprisingly enough... there "IT" was... a little flickering heart beat in this tiny little ball... a healthy heartbeat... I cried because I was all confused, I didn't know what to think or how to feel... I remember Dr. Chang asking if we still wanted the D&C... but I refused and asked him if I could wait to see what happens with the bleeding... I didn't want to "clean out" my little baby... Shane & I were asked to come back in 2 days...

So 2 days later, on Wednesday morning, there we were, back at the doctors office... I again gave a urine sample (yup, still bleeding super heavily) and I was still pregnant... Dr. Chang basically was at a loss for words... we all didn't know what was going on... we did another trans-vaginal ultrasound and I remember so clearly "Ok, yup, you're still pregnant, you see the beating heart right there?... and Oh, wait... there's another one... there are 2 heart beats"... "WHAT?!?!?!?!" I looked at Shane and we started cracking up laughing... TWINS?! So what was all of this bleeding about? Dr. Chang didn't know but he put me on bed rest just in case... I was 8 weeks pregnant... with TWINS...

(8 weeks)

Shane and I laughed at times, we fought at times, I cried a few times, and we questioned our 'perfect life'... how will having 2 more little babies be like when we never wanted anymore children?

I was put on strict bed rest until the bleeding stopped.... I couldn't work, couldn't go shopping, couldn't even clean or cook... I was just supposed to rest my pelvis and basically only move to go to the bathroom or to eat quickly... And this was my life for the next 4 weeks...

At about 12 weeks pregnant, we were sent to a have a ultrasound done... during this appointment, we got to see the twins, they were so cute... they looked like real babies now! We found out that they were 'Mono-Di' which meant they were in 1 placenta but 2 separate amniotic sacs... so they were most likely identical twins... I remember the doctor taking a long look at these really faint lines on the screen... so I asked "what are you looking at?" and he replied "I'm pretty sure that these, you see 2 these empty bubbles right here... these are 2 empty amniotic sacs connected to your twins... You were pregnant with 4!... Wow!... I haven't seen a QUADRUPLET pregnancy in person before... But it looks like you lost two early on... your other two are doing ok... but perhaps this is why you are bleeding..."

(12 weeks)

Shane and I were beyond speechless... QUADS?! How the heck did that happen? And we are still having TWINS?!... so I had been suffering from the miscarriage of 2 babies and now still pregnant with 2?... I didn't know how to feel, but I think I was still excited...

We waited until I was 16 weeks before we told others... we were cautious because of the bleeding... we knew that this pregnancy was high risk... but honestly I didn't realize what that meant and how serious "high risk" really was...

I remember for my 16 week ultrasound, we brought Jazlynn and Jayden with us to the appointment because we were pretty sure we would find out the gender that day... Shane and Jayden voted for boys but Jazlynn and I were pretty sure it would be 2 more girls... it was exciting... When the technician told us "ok...lets take a look at Baby A first... ok.... ummm..... Baby A is a GIRL..." I glanced over at Shane and the girls and they looked sad, except for Jaz.. she smiled... but little Ms. Jayden got all grouchy... Then the lady said "and Baby B... yup, it's a GIRL too"... I laughed and felt relieved... Shane looked like he was forcing a smile but I knew he was a tad disappointed... I loved it... I loved that I was about to be a mommy to 4 girls... poor poor Shane!

 

The next 7 weeks were pretty uneventful... I grew bigger every day and gained a lot of weight... I was always concerned about the babies, I wanted to feel them move, I checked their heartbeats almost every week with a baby fetal monitor that I purchased online.... I didn't go anywhere, stayed home from work, parties, and shopping... It felt like prison...

 (17 weeks)

I went to doctors appointments almost every other week and had 8 ultrasounds... with seeing the babies that much, I felt like I knew each of them well... I could tell who was the calm baby and who moved all the time... Brianna was ALWAYS awake and active on the ultrasound, while Arianna moved much less and took a handful of Brianna's jabs and headbutts... I loved it... I loved seeing them... by 18 weeks, I started feeling them move... it was amazing... it felt more real... I would let Shane and the girls feel their kicks... I would play music and talk to the babies... I would dream of our lives together... I had fallen in love with my babies...

(21 weeks)

I set-up my baby registry, started buying diapers and some essential baby items, we cleaned out the room that would have been the nursery, painted it light pink... we even set-up the crib...

We were so excited... we thought we had some sort of miracle... the beginning of a crazy story that would have an amazing middle once they were born and would drive us crazy... but exactly 2 weeks ago... my twin miracles passed away... and the story had a different ending then what I had imagined... and now I'm here, with nothing but my pregnancy memories and empty dreams.... blogging away because it feels good to be able to get these stories and words out... but wish everyday that the story didn't have this ending... and that these miracles were still here...

What we thought was a blessing and a miracle... has turned out to be my life's biggest trial...